The Power of Checking In So You Don’t Check Out

During the last few years of my mental health journey, I have learned quite a few things. But one thing that has really stuck with me is the mental health check in. This was actually suggested to my fiancé and I by her therapist. And it is something we use literally every day.

A mental health check in is quite simple. We ask what are you feeling? What do you need? What’s on your mind?

While it seems like an easy task, sometimes having an answer to these questions can be a little more difficult. Maybe you don’t know what you’re feeling. Or perhaps you can recognize a feeling but don’t know what you need.

The beauty of the mental health check in is that it is designed to make you pause and get in tune with yourself. Or someone else. 

For my fiancé and I, mental health check ins started as an assignment. Each day we had to designate time to check in. At first, it seemed like something that was for her, that I was supposed to participate in. But soon enough, I caught on that this was beneficial for me too.

Not only did it make me take a moment and reflect on myself and day. But it also gave my partner the opportunity to do the same. Together, we were able to better communicate what was going on and what we needed. Whether that be a need from ourselves or from each other.

A Check In Example:

Let’s say I was having a really bad day. Maybe I was overwhelmed by the amount of noise at work and I didn’t complete a task that was due. My mental health check in might allow me to identify that I was stressed and aggravated. What I might have needed at that time was to leave the work at work and take the evening to relax. Maybe quietly get lost in a book. Diving even deeper, I may be able to identify that what was on my mind was my workload and time management.

The mental health check in could stop there. Or I could cycle through this check in again in order to dive deeper. Maybe I’ve been frustrated by the amount of work I have to do. So, what I need is to write out a schedule to space out tasks into smaller goals and say no to add on work. You get the point. Each time I identify something, I am creating a deeper and kinder connection to myself.

This is also beneficial to my partner. Not only have I deepened the relationship with myself, but I am also deepening my relationship with my close other too. Let’s be real, your partner cannot read your mind. It is my responsibility to figure out how to care for myself and identify my needs. Knowing this makes it much easier for my partner to know how to support me.

Let’s jump back to our check in example.

By stating my check in, my partner has the opportunity to support me in a positive way. Perhaps reminding me that I am a hard worker and am worthy of rest. Maybe what I need from my partner is a little bit of alone time to quietly read my book. Or maybe a hug. Or even read our own books sitting close together. The point is, the mental health check in creates an opportunity to connect and communicate with each other.

The same way it allows my partner to support me, I am able to return that same support. I can better understand what she might be experiencing that day. I can better fulfill the needs of my partner in the way her needs need to be met. Overall, bringing us closer together.

Mental health check ins are a great tool to get in tune with yourself and/or a close other. If you’re new to mental health check ins, I encourage you to start checking in with yourself at least once a day. If you’re not sure what you are feeling, take a look at the Feelings Wheel for some inspiration. Or to further break down your emotions. It might seem a little silly or unnatural at first. But with some practice it will get easier.

Self-love is hard. But I know you can do this. In the meantime remember that I love you, and you should love you too!