The Spark That Ignited the Flame – A Story of Connection and Growth

There she was. The most beautiful woman in the world. Standing in my kitchen. My desperate ploy to invite my new coworkers over for a “Friendsgiving” was a success. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the fact that in the last two months I dropped everything, loaded up my truck and moved across the country to start a new chapter in life that was making me feel a little desperate for relationships. Everyone was laughing at my jokes and enjoying themselves. More importantly, she was laughing. There was no denying that there was a connection beginning to bloom between us.

Fast forward one month. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or breathe without thinking of her. Lucky for me we worked together, which meant we saw each other almost every day. But I was also scared. So many thoughts and questions were racing through my head nonstop. What if I confessed my love for her and she denies me? Then it’s weird at work. Is it even allowed at work? What if I get fired for dating my coworker? I need this job, it’s the only one that offered me a position in this state. She has to say yes, there is a strong connection between us. Isn’t there? Is it all in my head? What if I ask her out and she says no and then we’re not friends anymore? I don’t have any friends here outside of work – you can’t afford to have less. Dude, there is no way you can keep these feelings inside forever. You’re going crazy! OK ok ok. I will take her out to dinner for her birthday, confess my love, and we will live happily ever after. Right?

Wrong! Turns out both of us getting covid and being couch bound for two weeks was what the universe had in store for me instead. I wound up confessing my feelings via text message and sweated bullets of regret awaiting her response. After what felt like 3 years of waiting in less than 3 minutes. She said, “I’m really sorry, I am just not in a mental space to be in a relationship.”

Damn! I can’t be mad at a response like that! I respected her choice, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t crushed. What I couldn’t stop obsessing over was the fact that she never said no. I felt like Llyod Christmas from “Dumb and Dumber”, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance!”

As much as being sick with covid was miserable, we spent those two weeks constantly checking in on each other, sending grocery deliveries, chatting nonstop, and leaving little gifts on each other’s doorstep. Even though we never saw each other face to face in that time, we grew to be really close friends. No weirdness. Just comfort and understanding.

During one of our million chats she confessed to me that she was struggling with an eating disorder and that things were not so great in life for her. There was a part of me that knew something was up. This was the first time I was ever fully confronted with and discussed mental illness. Sadly, some people would have dipped out. Or decided that a future hope of romantic relationship was off the table, or that something like that is too much to take on. But I felt differently. This person meant a whole heck of a lot to me. Quite frankly, I was honored that I made her feel safe enough to open up to me.

She soon went away to residential treatment where it would be weeks before we chatted. I sent her with a pack of letters for each day that had some sort of uplifting quote and a note to remind her I was thinking about her. While she was gone, I took the time to learn what I could. I googled about eating disorders. And I even read a book about eating disorder recovery. I was determined to show up for her and be there in whatever form she needed when she got back home.

What baffled me about all my research was how little there was for supporters and friends. If you are a parent of someone with an eating disorder, then there are resources for you. If you yourself have an eating disorder, then there are resources for you. Everyone else, well, you’re basically on your own.

I can essentially sum up all my research for you in one statement – show up but only take on what you can. While yes, this is partly true – this is unacceptable. How can someone with an eating disorder, or any mental illness for that matter, be solely left to deal with things alone while everyone else goes on with life. While their mental illness is their battle to fight, it was most likely created with the help of society. So why should we let them fight alone? After hours of digging, all I really learned was that there is not enough discussion about mental illness.

This is where Love You Too became an ignited flame for me. My purpose is to not only shed light on the topic of mental illness, but to create a community of support and growth. This person I really care about is fighting the big fight. How can I watch someone else work hard to better themselves without working on myself too? Because let’s be real, everyone could be a little kinder to themselves, and in turn, to each other. 

I launched Love You Too at the beginning of this year. Being so focused on trying to have important topics and making it sound professional, I ended up editing out my own personal experience. I am hoping that with this relaunch, I can write things that show a bit more of my own journey. Maybe I can teach you something new. Open your eyes to a different view on a topic or just give you a place to feel seen. Whatever the case, you should know you are always welcome. Most importantly, I want you to know that I love you, and you should love you too.

P.S. – to those wanting to know what happened with me and my friend…. Her name is Briana. And upon her return home from residential treatment, we spent every single day together without miss. Turns out our connection was mutual, and we started dating. Now we are happily engaged and soon to be married.