Stressed, Depressed, or a Little Unimpressed? – Let’s Cope!

No matter who you are, where you’re from, or how you spend your time, you’ve most likely encountered stress in your life. Perhaps you’re battling a mental illness, experiencing depression, lacking some self-esteem, or even just a little unimpressed with how life is going. Let’s be honest, there is a lot to get stressed about these days.

So you’ve got 99 problems and stress is a big one. What are you going to do about it?

Chances are you’re going to use a coping skill. Simply put, a coping skill is something we do to adapt to a stressor, dial down the emotions, and ultimately help ourselves to feel a little better. Even if it’s just for a moment.

There are both positive and negative coping skills. And a coping skill that might be helpful in one situation, might not be so helpful in the next. For example, let’s take a look at Peggy: 

Peggy is at the office. Working overtime again for no pay. Her credit card just got maxed out from her increased electric bill because she pulled all-nighters this past month working hard on a report to get the “big promotion’ which was just given to Bob because he “had more experience”. 

I’m sure you can imagine the emotions that are fueling Peggy’s hate fire and threatening to boil over. Let’s just say the coping skill that comes to mind for Peggy is to throw something. 

Some of you are probably cringing right now thinking that this is absolutely a negative coping skill. You would be right if Peggy decided to pick up Bob’s beloved statue from his desk and hurl it at the wall to watch it shatter to a million pieces like her dreams of her promotion. Yikes!

What if Peggy still chose to throw something as a coping skill. But instead, decided to leave work, gather a supportive friend or two, and head to the nearest axe throwing location to throw a bunch of axes in a safe controlled space.

Both examples involve the act of throwing a physical object to release an internal emotion. They were Peggy’s way of adapting to a stressful situation, dialing down some emotions, and ultimately making herself feel better.

While the first example might make Peggy feel seen and powerful in the moment, the resulting consequences will most likely make Peggy feel much worse than before the action took place. Therefore, being considered a negative coping skill. The second example, however, is a more positive way for Peggy to express her emotions in a safe space. It can also allow for supportive conversation to take place by being among friends.

So how do you know which one you need?

First step in any situation with boiling emotions is to pause for a moment and assess the situation. If the coping skill you’re immediately thinking about could cause immediate harm to you or someone around you, then it is likely not the best choice.

Take a moment to breathe and check in with yourself. Ask yourself what are you feeling and what do you need? Identifying the emotions that are coming up for you is a great way to figure out what you need to express them. It is important to note that while it is not best to avoid your emotions all the time, there are some situations in which only meeting a surface level need to get you to a safe space is valid.

For example, Peggy is feeling sad and defeated for not getting the promotion. What she needs is to have long hard cry. Having a full on breath choking sob might not be best in the middle of her work meeting with a client. In this case, choosing a coping skill that will allow Peggy to dial down those emotions and finish the workday, so she can sob at home in her comfy rob with her cat, is an acceptable choice. Once Peggy is home, she can check in with herself again to reassess her feelings and needs.

What are some examples of coping skills to deal with stress?

There is an endless list of skills one can use to cope with a hardship. It’s important to remember that not every coping skill works for every person and every situation. Here are some examples to start with:

Get Fresh Air	Listen to Music
Read	Talk to Someone
Make Something	Build a Fort
Meditate	Watch a Movie
Throw Something	Play with a Pet
Drink Water	Write a Letter
Color	Step Away
Stretch	Hug a Friend
Say Some Affirmations	Play a Game
Walk	Rest or Take a Break

The more you practice coping skills, the easier it will be to figure out what might work best for you. It will also allow you to learn about your emotions and why you might be feeling them. Learning more about yourself can help create positive change and improve your mental health.

We are human and chances are you might mess up. You might choose a coping skill that comes naturally, even if it’s not the most positive or beneficial. You might even choose a coping skill with positive intentions only to have it take a twist and actually turn out to be negative. It is ok. This is how we learn and grow. Forgive yourself. Keep checking in. And remember that I love you, and you should love you too.

For more coping skill examples, check out Your Life Your Voice! Or head to my blog post “How to Practice Self Love” to start learning how to improve your mental health!