Personally, I have never hated myself; but by not hating myself, I have always assumed that meant I felt the opposite. In actuality, I tolerate myself. I have often been wrapped up in insecurities, shame, doubt, fear of not being good enough or the best while seeking validation from others. And the only thing I counteracted those feelings with was, “well this is what I’m stuck with”. I tolerate myself, but I shouldn’t just settle for self-toleration. And neither should you.
Why is self-love so important?
At the end of the day, you will always have you. More importantly, you deserve self-love. You are human and are inherently worthy of being loved. And if you didn’t know this already, you do in fact have permission to love you too.
Why is self-love so hard?
Society has taught us all sorts of f**ked up sh*t that we have practiced for so long that it’s become the “standard”. We have learned that things like illnesses, imperfections, fears, and feelings are all signs of weakness and that it’s better if we just fake it ‘til we make it. Any mention of these often bring about more feelings of shame, fear, isolation, and insecurity.
We’ve been so brainwashed by the belief that to be liked or to earn followers, we have to work our asses off to fit into this cookie cutter mold of society’s expectations. They constantly tell us what we’re “supposed” to look like, buy, act, feel, who we’re allowed to marry, and how we’re supposed to live. This repetition has created a stigma that to love yourself means to be selfish. Let me tell you, these stigmas are false. Loving yourself is the best thing you can do for you!
What are the benefits?
There are so many good things that can come from loving yourself by prioritizing your needs, treating yourself with kindness, and continuing your own growth. Self-love can:
- Lower anxiety and stress – by prioritizing your needs and setting boundaries you can reduce these levels in your everyday life
- Build confidence – you will always have you. Which means the more you love yourself, the less pressure you will feel to seek validation from others or in places where you might not get it
- Build self-esteem and self-respect – which can help encourage you to be confident, continue growth, set boundaries, try new things, and to get out and be present in the world
- Develop better relationships – when we love ourselves, we set the bar for how we should be loved by others. We are less likely to tolerate being mistreated by others when we have a standard for ourselves.
- Discover the real you – it can be easy to lose track of who you really are. Prioritizing yourself can mean getting back into hobbies or finding new ones, figuring out your interests and values and making time to practice them.
But most of all, forgive yourself. This self-love sh*t isn’t easy. You won’t be perfect, there is no magical switch to flip to make self-love happen. You’re gonna f**k up, think something mean about yourself, doubt yourself – we are human after all. But when that does happen, you have to forgive yourself. Remember you are growing, learning, and evolving. One day it won’t take as much thought, and it will start happening more naturally. Baby steps my friend. In the meantime, remember that I love you and you should love you too.
If you want some tips on how to start loving yourself, head over to my blog post “How to Practice Self-Love”
How to Practice Self-Love